Solace of you I have been trying to write this for a while, and kept writing bits out on scraps of paper, but the moment or the words never seemed quite right. Or I kept being overwhelmed by tears. Until, I listened to a song from 1990 by Living Colour, hence where the title came from, and could imagine you dancing to it, and finally the time came. I met Gareth 10 years ago, through an ex, and met his family then too. Shirley, Rhian, Gemma, and Robbie, my heart and thoughts are with you always. Gareth was the most wonderful man I have ever met, my dear friend. So kind, so funny, always smiling, always there. I loved it when we used to randomly bump into each other (pre-Mara!), and go for a drink. Always so pleased to see you, you were always so lovely, and as many have said, such a gentleman. Invariably our evenings would end up with us dancing, in the pub, or at your home. The times we watched Arsenal V Spurs, well, I am sure the general score ended up with you guys on top! You believed in me, had my back, and I always felt you were proud of me for raising my child on my own. You helped me when I was down, and made me laugh when I was up. I will never forget you offered to interview me, as practise, as I always get so nervous. I can’t remember if I got that job or not, but your unrelenting positivity definitely helped me tackle it with confidence and style! I have had so many fun times with you and your family, who I love very much, and wish I could make things better for them. You were one of the greatest, and I am so grateful that you were part of my life. Like an ever reaching avuncular, you touched so many people’s lives, and made them all the better. Mara (my four year old daughter) recently said to me, “Gareth hasn’t died, he has become a flower. And when all the other flowers start growing, he will have friends”. So instead of thinking of the darkness and sadness, I began to think about the light. In the words of Living Colour: “A wiseman said to know thyself, ‘Cause in the end there is no one else, Just the solace of you” I will miss you so much. I already do. The world feels a bit emptier, a little sadder, and more overwhelming without you. But I can’t stop seeing your smiling face, and can just imagine you would want everyone to celebrate your life, and we will now, always and forever. Here’s to you Gareth, thank you for everything, and may you rest in peace. “And bending down beside the glowing bars, Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled, And paced upon the mountains overhead And hid his face amid a crowd of stars” W.B. Yeats Love Merc xx